Organized Scenery

Organized Scenery

Anxiety

Three months ago my beloved grandmother died. She was in and out of the hospital for weeks before it happened. She got thinner and thinner, couldn’t eat, wasn’t able to speak. Started saying things that didn’t make sense. One night she thought she was dying and we all went to the hospital to say goodbye – but it didn’t happen that night. My brother and I stayed until 4 o’clock in the morning, constantly checking her breathing. She ended up getting a bed at home in her house. She wasn’t able to leave the bed. And she died a few weeks later.

All of this simply TERRIFIED me. When she was ill, I had my first panic attack causing me to faint on the floor Christmas eve. After her death I had an oral exam. And then the funeral. And then back to university. Leaving me no time to process what had happened. However, I was soon forced to, as I started to have daily panic attacks about two weeks later. This was accompanied by extremely anxious thoughts and a intense, irrational fear of losing my mind – and losing everyone I love as a result of that.

I am still suffering from this and it has been going on for about 2 months now. I have a had some better days where I haven’t felt that hideous anxious feeling as much, but I still have to deal with the anxiety everyday. It seems like a lot of other people are going through this horrible, crippling anxiety as well. Here is what I’ve learned so far:

1) NEVER EVER Google anything related to mental/physical health. When you are anxious, everything will stick like glue and you will think you are dying/going completely insane. (I wish I would stop googling).

2) Do excercise. Running provides a sense of control over your body, that you lose when suffering from an anxiety/panic disorder.

3) Thought are just thoughts and rarely very true – especially the “what if” thoughts. They should just shut up. Weird intrusive thoughts are just a result of a stressed and anxious mind and nothing to worry about.

4) Try to stay positive… It feels like hell, but it is going to pass. Anxiety is a very treatable condition.

This is just what I’ve learned so far – and I try hard to actually follow my own advice (but it is incredibly difficult when you are in a state of panic half of the time). Does anyone else have any tips?

Track of the Day

A few months ago I had the pleasure of seeing Thomas Dybdahl live in Vega Copenhagen once again. Like last time, he completely lived up to my very high expectations. He has got this unique ability to make you forget about the rest of the world. If you are not familiar with his music, I highly recommend you check it out.

Happy Thursday,

Alice

Sunday Mood

Today I woke up late with a light headache, luckily easily cured by tea and a walk in the sunshine. Copenhagen is getting ready for spring and soon I know it will be here.

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Where to go next?

This year the summer felt so short. It left before I even managed to properly grasp it. What I looked forward to for so long, the long, light evenings, moving back home, the travels, are now just a series of passed events. I’m back in my usual habit of things: the familiar bike rides through town, seeing my friends, back at work again and back to studying. As much as I love and appreciate my everyday life and the comfort of it, I sometimes dream of experiencing something different. Lately I’ve dreamt of traveling somewhere, seeing something extraordinary in order to gain that feeling, which only amazingly beautiful nature can provide. Therefore I am considering traveling to either Iceland or the Faroe Islands as soon as I have the time and the money to go.
Can you recommend any other ‘unspoilt’ beautiful places that I can go?

Autumn

Helloseptember

When I woke up this morning it was to the sound of heavily pouring rain. The drops of water were rhythmically drumming against my balcony and the sky had turned all dark and grey. I had a very wet bike ride through town to university and when I finally arrived, it was with a soaking wet jacket, red cheeks – and soon after a much needed steaming hot cup of tea. Today is the 2nd of September; my fist official day back at university after a long vacation and the beginning of autumn. When I think about it I can’t think of a more appropriate way of beginning September; with rain, tea and red cheeks.

Waiting For That One Clear Moment by Thomas Dybdahl

Me and a friend were just sitting around talking one day when all of a sudden he said: “You have to get out of this town man. Cause this town is dying and I don’t want you to die with it.” He said, “Whatever used to thrive in the undergrowth is gone. There’s nothing left. There’s nothing left to stimulate your intellect man, and keep your insides alive. What are you gonna do? Sit around and count money and talk about interest rates till early retirement settles in and you can reminisce about the days when good ideas came whenever you had trouble and your mind was chasing the embrace of that one clear moment”, “Leave? What do you mean leave? I can’t just leave. I’ve got friends and family here. I’d miss them like crazy if I left.” “Well friends come and go,” he said. “And there’s no way family would ever disown you or forget about you just for living somewhere else. Just go somewhere where you can get some new input and some new ideas. Challenge your own views of what makes you happy. Is it money? I bet all that stuff you have is just causing you headache anyway. Get rid of it and go somewhere new. Get hungry and make the most of those lucid moments. Maybe you should go somewhere where you’re not as safe and that isn’t really good for you. Because what’s good for you isn’t necessarily good for your art and that’s what you really love isn’t it? The days when good ideas came whenever you had trouble and your mind was chasing the embrace of that one clear moment.”

New (old) Love

IMG_3279I am currently reading Jane Austen’s Persuasion. I have about 50 pages left and despite not having finished it yet, I am already in love with this book. The sad, melancholic hopelessness of a lost love affair and the defeatism which characterizes the first part of the book is soon replaced by newly planted hope and a second chance. I think that this is what I like the most about the book; the encouraging and hopeful love story which unfolds under a layer of social criticism and fierce irony.

Interrailing

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The last couple of weeks I have been traveling around Europe. I have been on a slow, bumpy train ride, looking out the window as fields and trees flew by. With a heavy backpack, I have walked in unfamiliar streets, in foreign countries. I have seen magnificent buildings and met a lot of nice people. In each city I visited, I got a quick insight into the life and everyday taking place. After a long train journey north, I ended up on platform 3 at Copenhagen Central Station. As soon as I placed the key in the lock of my front door, I felt my feet tingling and an intense desire of grabbing my bags and leaving again: There is so much more to see and so many people to meet, not just in Europe but in the entire world. I can’t wait to meet them.

Early Summer

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I am back in Denmark; the indecisive summer weather with thunderclouds and lightening, the long, light nights and the reassuring element of the familiar. I like the early summer days; the dreams and excitement of what is going to happen and the sunlight that embraces them. Everything seems light and carefree until the strong winds, cold rain and leaves in yellow and brown nuances fall from the trees once again.

Musik-Kærlighed // Music Love

Music and love are closely intwined in my mind. Melodies are representations of memories and feelings. Often I listen to the same songs again and again until I know them by heart and as such they become  symbols of different moments of my life and the feelings that accompany them. In that way they become mine; personal representations and reminders of periods of my life. Some songs never get worn out despite their continual flow from my loudspeakers, computer and headphones. Right now this song by Kashmir is the soundtrack of my life. I bet re-listening to it in the future will remind me of my last time in Brighton and sunny days with my boyfriend.

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